An ABORtion story in the south 1978

I was born in Athens, GA in 1966. The Vietnam war was going on and we were in a state of civil unrest. The Women’s rights movement was in full force and in 1973 Roe v. Wade gave women the right to choose.  My parents divorced in 1971 and my mom, sister and I moved to Atlanta. 

While my family is Southern Baptist and very conservative in their political and religious views, my hard working single mom was a democrat and pro women’s lib. I’m sure looking back that she grappled with her religious upbringing and her current views as a 26 year old single mom of 2 in the 70’s. 

Because my mom spent virtually all of her time working, my sister and I were what’s known as “latch key” kids. From the ages of 5 and 6 onwards, we took the bus home from school to an empty house until my mom got home from work between 6-7pm. We were left to our own devices and played in the neighborhood until dark and generally enjoyed our childhood. I started menstruating at  11 years old.

 At the time I didn’t even know what that meant. However, my hormones were activated and I started looking at boys in a different light. By the time I was 13, I’d had my first kiss and even a brief foray into having a “boyfriend”. We had make out parties and that was thrilling and activated my sexual desires to another level. I didn’t really know about sex and or what that entailed but I knew I felt something energized in my loins.

My cousin was a couple of years older than I and still lived in Athens. She had an 18 year old boyfriend and they were sexually active. I thought she was so grown up and so cool. I also looked at her with a little awe, as how could she be so cavalier and so on the edge. Her parents seemed uninterested and so she was on her own to make her own decisions, even at this young age. 

We frequently visited Athens as my grandmother and cousins still lived there. We were visiting one weekend when I was 13 and my cousin called and asked if I wanted to go to the University of GA football game with her, her boyfriend and his friend. The friend was a 17 year old football player who looked like a Greek God. I was very excited to go and hang with the older kids. 

We went to the game and afterwards the boys asked us to go back to their hotel room. Since my cousin’s boyfriend was 18, he was able to get a room. They were there to party. I felt like I had walked through the doorway from childhood to being a young woman. I had no idea what that actually meant but the adrenaline running through my veins was difficult to ignore. 

My cousin and I agreed to go to the hotel. We piled into her boyfriend’s Trans Am and off we went. I don’t remember any alcohol being offered but immediately after arriving my cousin and her boyfriend started making out on one of the queen size beds in the room. The lights were dimmed and so it was apparent that the friend and I were supposed to follow suit. I’d never made out laying on a bed…or even laid on a bed with a boy at all. I was nervous, but he was charming and was an amazing kisser. 

We laid down together and began to make out passionately. It was intoxicating but I also knew that this was a precarious and potentially dangerous situation that I had walked into. It was very obvious that he was aroused as he was pressing himself against me. 

As his hands started to grope me, I began to panic. I had on a mini skirt as that was the style of the day, and I so badly wanted to be cool and look older. By now he had my legs open and was pressing against my panties with his very erect penis. My heart was racing. How was I going to get out of this without looking like a dork or causing a scene? As I was contemplating my next move, and before I could even begin to resist, my date had pulled his penis out of his pants so that now it was pressing and writhing against my thin cotton panties. Other than that, we were fully clothed. I knew it was now or never, I had to leave immediately. 

As I began to resist, I felt him clench up and moan deeply and then felt a wet warm sensation in panties. He had ejaculated all over my crotch area and my panties were soaked. He was visibly embarrassed and jumped up immediately. I was so relieved I must have sighed audibly, and he offered to take me home.  

Once he had dropped me off I remember thinking that  I had just barely escaped disaster. I wasn’t ready to have sex. Certainly not with a boy I didn’t even know. Like many young girls of that age, I had a romantic vision of what it would be like to lose my virginity. And it was not like that. 

I thanked God I escaped with my virtue intact.  My mom and sister and I went back to Atlanta the next day and I went back to my life being a kid and playing in the neighborhood until dusk every day. I nearly forgot about the incident until I didn’t have a period. Because having a period was still relatively new to me, I always tracked it. It made me feel more grown up as much of a pain the ass that it was. 

I had never been late and now I was. What could that mean ? I hadn’t had sex. I couldn’t possibly be pregnant. I had no idea what to think. As the days passed and no period appeared, panic began to mount. 

Something was wrong. I spoke to my cousin and she said it was impossible that I could be pregnant. That made me feel better. But when I missed a 2nd period the panic returned. I spoke to an older girlfriend and she helped me get a pregnancy test. I’ll never forget my terror when I saw those 2 lines appear. 

I was pregnant. I was 13 and technically still a virgin. I had no idea what to do.  Then the tears came…and the sobs…and the feeling that I wanted to die. How could I overcome this ? Who could help me? My cousin didn’t believe me. I was alone and desperate. And I was a child. How could this have actually happened ?  

My mental state took a turn for the worse and I was in a deep depression, crying most days and not speaking to anyone. My mom, even as busy and preoccupied as she was, noticed my demeanor change. She asked me what was wrong and I began sobbing. Somehow she immediately guessed that I may be pregnant. She is incredibly intuitive and so maybe that’s how she knew. When she said it and I confirmed it, she said, “Don’t worry, we will take care of it.” 

I didn’t exactly know what that meant, but my relief was overwhelming. I knew my mom would help me. I was in a state of shock and awe and immense gratitude.  We didn’t speak about it at all, but by the next day she had made and appointment for an exam for me with her Gynecologist. 

I had never been to a Gynecologist and obviously had never had a gynecological exam. Under the circumstances, it was extremely traumatic. 

My mom held my hand and wiped my tears as I underwent what felt like being ripped open. And this was only the initial exam. What happened next is a blur. I may have been given a sedative as the events of the rest of the day are unclear. I remember my mom took me shopping the next day and I got a very cool grown up looking pantsuit. I was exhausted and traumatized but it was over. 

I found out later that my mom had managed to get the number of the parents of the boy and agreed not to press charges for statutory rape because of his age, as long as they paid for half the abortion. We were in no way wealthy. As a matter of fact we struggled, and my mom worked long hours to make ends meet. A child was out of the question for all of us. They happily agreed. The boy was going off to college on a football scholarship and was in no way willing to throw those plans away to become a father.  

I went back to being a kid, playing with the other kids in my neighborhood and didn’t engage with another boy physically for many years to come.  

Now that  Roe v Wade has been overturned, all of these long suppressed memories came flooding back in. I think about how blessed I was to have lived in a time when women’s rights and choices were at the forefront and not relegated to back alleys and dangerous tactics. I think about how grateful I am for my mother, who didn’t ask questions, but just took care of it.  I have had the most wonderful life. I have travelled extensively and been able to enjoy  so many deep and life enhancing experiences without the burden of being a poor, very young, single mother.  I feel for the young women and girls of today that may find themselves in this situation. And I am immensely sorry that our institutions have failed us after all this time. I pray for you all. And remember ….VOTE. We can make a difference if we pay attention.